Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Let your teen (17 year old) do whatever they want

by Tuna

In his blog post, Jonathan McKee explains an experiment he and his wife performed on their teenager.  He writes:

Our theory was basically this:  Start strict, and loosen up as our kids get older, eventually freeing them from all boundaries by age 17½.

Guess how it went… not bad!  In fact, it allowed their daughter to begin a deeper relationship with them.  Their idea was that at age 18 she can do whatever she wants. The figured they may as well let her start doing that at 17½ so that  they would still have some influence before she left the house.

Jonathan writes:

Discussions with us were no longer about trying to convince us to give her permission—she already had that. Now conversations were about what she was learning from her decisions, good and bad.

She began talking with us about decisions even more. When she wanted to drive over 2 hours to San Francisco with her friends (the furthest she had ever driven), she wanted to know all about traffic, directions and safety. Not because we made her, but because we were “safe” to talk with.

Genius parenting!  Now when she leaves for college, she may stay in touch.  I’d encourage you to read the whole article.

What do you think?  Want to try this out when your son or daughter hits 17½?

Tuna

Les Miserables & Camp: Tuna Tuesday

by Tuna

So Cheeks and I watched Les Miserables on video the other night.  It’s a classic story and the most recent version done on video is very good.  As I was watching the scene when Javert decides to drown himself, I realized one of many reasons to learn to love our enemies – so we don’t drown ourselves!

Here’s what he says in the song that made me think of this:

Da.ned if I’ll live in the debt of thief
Da.ned if I’ll yield at the end of the chase
I am the law and the law is not mocked
I’ll spit his pity right back in his face
There is nothing on Earth that we share
It is either Valjean or Javert!

Full Lyrics


In short, he can’t handle the fact that his enemy, Jean Valjean, loved him enough to help him in his time of need (Valjean gains permission to release him from behind enemy lines – he would have been most likely killed had Valjean not done this).  He can’t stand this kindness so much that he decides to drown himself.

An article from Wikipedia explains the narrative this way:

“Javert wanders the streets in emotional turmoil: his mind simply cannot reconcile the image he had carried through the years of Valjean as a brutal ex-convict with his acts of kindness on the barricades. Now, Javert can be justified neither in letting Valjean go nor in arresting him. For the first time in his life, Javert is faced with the situation where he cannot act lawfully without acting immorally, and vice versa. Unable to find a solution to this dilemma, and horrified at the sudden realization that Valjean was simultaneously a criminal and a good person—a conundrum which made mockery of Javert’s entire system of moral values—Javert decides to resolve the dissonance by drowning in the river Seine; his body is later found.”

Here’s my point – Jesus’ teaching to love our enemies is for our own good.  Whether we drown ourselves in an actual river or a metaphorical river, hate causes deep inner turmoil.

One of our goals at camp is to build a community of love each week, each summer and over the lifetime of the camp, with all who participate.  This helps each of us learn to love those we otherwise might not get along with.  In learning to love those hard to love, we become free from hate.  Just one of the many things Jesus saves us from.

Tuna

Transform

by Tuna

This blog entry from Peg Smith, the CEO of American Camp Association caught my attention today.  It is in response to the Sandy Hook shooting. It is relevant to our faith. It is relevant to the question: how should I parent? And, am I raising my child well?

It seems to me the heart of her answer is a command: Transform.  Or, Grow.

Peg writes:

Can I find a way to help parents understand that as much as we may want to wrap our children in a cocoon that we must realize that environments that help young people to engage, explore, and experience how to learn about and understand others are more important than ever? Authentic connections are as imperative as the ability to accomplish math.

May God transform each of us as we seek to love instead of all other alternatives.

Tuna